Guava coconut ice, hold the guava

Flirty fruits | October 26, 2012 | By

Guavas suck.

There.  I said it.  I’m sure I’ve just pissed off thousands of people in the guava industry in the middle of droughts and global warming and all the rest of it, when they need every little guava they can hawk just to be able to afford the basics of their Hawaiian existence – grass skirts, flower necklaces, and red Magnum PI Ferraris.

Thanks backtotheeighties.net

But as much as I feel bad for all those guava growers, I cannot tell a lie.  They’re terrible.  The ones I got were hard like little dehydrated limes, so I you wouldn’t even be able to use their juice.  You couldn’t eat a slice of one, because they’re all completely saturated with hard little seeds that are uncrunchable – I guess you’re supposed to swallow them whole like they’re teensy pills, but there are so many of them that you’d end up having to swallow the entire slice.  The skins are edible, so maybe you could peel and eat those, but they’re sour, and not in a good way.  I thought maybe their redeeming quality was some insanely great flavour that you could somehow extract through highly complex top secret guava processing methods, but when I licked the inside of one it didn’t taste like anything at all, so unless there’s great flavour that’s unleashed after you answer a skill-testing question, I must be missing something.

My impressions were confirmed when I mentioned to a friend that I had tried them, and she said, “Oh.  Is it just me, or do they taste like puke?”

Earlier, I had gone to my Twitter foodie gurus to ask what paired well with guava, hoping that their answers would inspire me to throw a few complementary flavours together into an amazingly original culinary creation and they gave great suggestions, like chilies, goat cheese, lychee, strawberry, citrus, vanilla, custard, and coconut. I prepared to go with coconut, picked up a few ingredients, and dragged out my ice cream maker, ready to wow my family with an exotic ice cream I knew they would beg me for for the rest of their lives.  Then I licked the guava, and you can guess the rest.

Blechsville.

I still made the coconut ice, inspired by methods in the cookbook, “Ice cream and iced desserts,” by Joanna Farrow and Sara Lewis:

Coconut Ice (serves 4)

  • 1 can light coconut milk, chilled in the fridge
  • Simple syrup (1.5C water and 3/4C fast-dissolving sugar, boiled until dissolved then cooled and chilled)
  • 4Tbsp sweetened shredded coconut

Directions:  If you have an ice cream maker, add coconut milk to syrup in the machine and churn until firm.  If you don’t have an ice cream maker, combine liquids and freeze for 4 hours, beating once with fork, electric mixer, or food processor and fluff with fork before serving.

Sprinkle ice with shredded coconut.

Results:  This was a simple, tasty dessert that my kids loved, and it was much lighter than a traditional ice cream.  It could easily be dressed up with additional pureed fruits, although guava should be avoided at all costs.  Rating:  4 gags for the guava, but 2 Yums for the coconut ice

Wine Pairing:  Let’s choose a dessert wine for dessert – I’ll go with Lakeview’s 2010 Vidal Icewine, recommended by Winealign.com, sold for 19.95 in Ontario.

PS – Maybe I got some old, dehydrated guavas, just like when you open a giant orange and it’s very unjuicy and tasteless?  You tell me, if you’re not a guava-phobe!

 

Comments

    • Leave a Reply

      Ann Allchin
      December 6, 2012

      Yes, the ice was yum and easy, but steer clear of the guava! Thanks for dropping in!

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