Be a piggy and try conch fritters – how to cook conch
Okay, I’m kind of misleading you from the beginning, because this post does not involve a single bacon bit. Or Nine Inch Nails, other than that wee video clip. Patience, grasshopper. If you keep reading for a few months, I’m sure I’ll eventually make bacon rain over weird foods like octopus eyes and it will be a dish worthy of Trent Reznor.
Anyway. Who’s read Lord of the Flies? I bet most of you have, but probably complained about it at the time because you were a lowly high schooler who had more important things than reading on your mind, like whether or not the coverup actually looked worse than the zit, or whether your parents were going to find out that the Croatian dances you were going to every Friday night were serving underage. Just me? For the record, I did learn how to polka so that everything looked legit.
Anyway. Again. You might not have loved reading Lord of the Flies, but the fact that the images and story have stayed with you for most of your life probably proves it wasn’t a bad read. Remember the conch? They passed the shell back and forth when they held the “floor,” for speaking. Well, today we’re going to cook up some conch that I found in the frozen food section of my favourite exotic grocery store, T&T. And it will be my turn to talk and my family had better listen. At all times. PS: Never, ever forget the entire point of Lord of the Flies, which is to ensure that you should never allow yourself to become Piggy in any situation or scenario. A secondary take-home message is that bacon on a stick is always a good thing, no matter what form it may take.
So now I hold the conch.
Here is how to pronounce it, according to a youtube video that made me laugh for some reason, but maybe I’m just in that kind of a mood. Funny what you can put on youtube and get hits for, eh? I was the 21,013 person to play that enthralling video. Hope you enjoyed being number 21,014.
Hey, sorry for the rambling nature of this post. I’m not usually this verbose, am I? Must be the conch. I guess if you eat it, you get to talk as much as you want? That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
Here is the recipe. It was based on this one, and for once I made it mostly as written, although I reduced it down to 1/4 the size and added my own directions (as below).
Conch Fritters (Makes about 12 chicken ball sized fritters. Shrimp can be used in place of conch)
- 2 Conch, all coloured bits sliced off and discarded (you nearly have to peel them with your knife), tenderized with a hammer, and diced (see instructions below)
- 1/4 cup Chopped Celery
- 1/4 cup Chopped Peppers (Green and Yellow Mixed)
- 1/4 cup Chopped Onion
- 2 Tbsp Ketchup
- 3 tbsp. Oil
- 1 Egg
- dash of salt and pepper
- dash of Tabasco
- 2 tsp Lime Juice
- 1 tsp. Rosemary (Crush Before Adding)
- 1 cloves Crushed Garlic
- 1 tbs Chopped Parsley
- 1 cups Pancake Mix
1. Prepare the conch by slicing off and discarding any coloured parts of it and hammering it in a strong ziplock. While looking for recipes, lots of locals who had the luxury of being able to pluck one from a nearby ocean recommended the tenderizing part, and my kids were happy to take participate. Dice it after tenderizing.
2. Prepare and mix remaining ingredients in a bowl. Consistency should be goopy like pancake batter – mobile enough to slowly glop off of a spoon. If it’s too dry, add lime juice. Too wet, add more pancake mix.
3. Heat oil in frying pan about 1.5 inches deep. Heat over medium high heat until oil begins to shimmer.
4. Glop large tablespoonfuls into oil,
5. Dry on paper towels…
…and gobble them up with your favourite dip.
The pancake mix made them slightly sweet, but light, and the conch had a chewy consistency but only in small doses, which was nice. The conch reminded me of calamari. Next time I might even try a variation on a pakora, adding more spice to the mix. Piggy and Trent Reznor would have eaten these in one sitting. On a stick. Rating: 3 Yums